I knew that there had to more to life than what I was experiencing. So, a couple of years ago I made the decision to go deeper in my relationship with God. It called for me to make some lifestyle changes that were very hard for me because they identified with who I was. I just knew some things in my life were going to have to change. In my journey to deeper I signed up for Kingdom Snipers. Now, I am joined in a community of believers in Kingdom Snipers Institute. We are on assignment to enforcing heavens agenda. My spiritual mentor Latrice Ryan is the dynamic woman of God who is the visionary of it all. Just last month we ended a lesson on Mantle Management. Taking care of our temples (fasting, etc.). It was mind blowing. In our last war room, we had a guest speaker, Dr. Joshua Smith who said something that is the reason for me writing this blog. He said, in order to become whole and emotionally healthy, ask God to show you any trauma in your life that you need to be delivered and healed from.
Psychological Trauma-damage to a person’s mind as a result of one or more distressing events causing overwhelming amounts of stress that exceeds a person ability to cope.
I thought I had conquered all the trauma I thought I carried within the last 3 years of my life (a failed engagement, daddy issues, low self-esteem, insecurity, and broken friendships). I guess I had not because after I prayed and ask God to show me, I started to have dreams about what was still deep inside of me. I was still very angry and hurt about a situation that happen. I did the whole tell a person how you feel, forgive and try to let it go. I did…well I thought I did. Until Tuesday morning I woke up with so much resentment.
Just a quick background of what happen that I thought I had let go. I had a very unfortunate tendency of holding stuff in. Something was said to me that I thought was inappropriate, but I knew me saying something could potentially hurt another person’s feelings. I made the poor decision to keep it buried inside of me. Until I had a conversation with an individual and as we were talking, I shared with them something I had been holding in for over 8 years. I shared it with them because I felt I could trust this person. I knew I could. They were always loyal to me, until their loyalty was stronger with another person. They ended up sharing it with another person who it was in reference to, and all HELL broke loose in my life. I felt that individual mishandled what I put in their hands by sharing it. They took something from me without asking if it was okay to give it away. My secret. In the end it caused me to lose a friendship with someone that I considered to be family. The resentment came when that individual who caused all this did not even fight to make it right. They just said I am sorry when I bought it to their attention. It did not change their relationship with the person just mines, but it seemed to not bother anyone but me because everyone was going on with their lives and I am still looking like I lost a friend, and no one cares.
My expectation was shattered! My accountability partner said to me maybe your expectation was what caused you to be hurt so much. I never ever thought about it that way. She said because you would have gone to extremes to make it better and reconnect everyone does not mean they would do the same. She said pray and ask God to help you handle things better when the outcome does not meet your expectations.
I begin to find scriptures on what God says about all of this and I was easily reminded that in Jeremiah 29:11-13 (msg), I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out. Plans to take care of you and not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I will listen. When you come looking for me, you will find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I will make sure you won’t be disappointed.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (msg), Trust God from the bottom of your heart, do not try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go, He is the one who will keep you on track.
Psalms 62:5; My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.
Reading God’s word always gets me back in a peaceful state of mind. No matter how hard it gets sometimes I know He will say something that will make it all better. His word always convicts and corrects. It's up to me to allow it to change me so I can be who God has called me to be.
Becoming whole and emotionally healthy is what I desire. It is what God desires for me. Sis, I still have work to do. It's me. I can not blame anyone else and no one else can do it for me. I asked and he revealed it to me. In 1 Thessalonians 5: 23 it says, now may the God of peace make you holy in every way and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.
Romans 12:2; Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Psalms 119:34, Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.
Ladies I ENCOURAGE you to ask God if there are any trauma’s in your life that will keep you from being whole and emotionally healthy to reveal them to you. Even if you think, “I’m Good” ask and He will reveal it to you.
Hebrews 13:16; And do not forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God. Let’s E.A.T! Remember to Encourage, Applaud and Treasure daily.
HUGS AND KISSES 💜
